Me on 31 Dec

There's few more hours before the year ends. Thinking back what have I achieved in the whole year, can't really be proud. Of course there was the unexpected promotion and events t work but on the personal front things are the same as it has been for the past few years. I tried to take my mind of how depressing these past few years has been.

i spent few hours at the spa, relaxing. Now I'm at home alone. Everyone has gone to the hospital to visit my uncle who is admitted in the ICU for brain hemorrhage. I myself not feeling well. Yet, I'm longing to go out but I have no one to ask out. Everyone is busy with their personal lives, family, husband, wife etc. Knowing that I'm going spend this new year eve alone at home watching TV is depressing enough. What has happened to me in this past few years?

Where did the out going popular girl go? Who is this boring, single, depressed woman that's typing this? The year didn't bring much that I would truly cherish. Of course there are few moments of happiness and joy but then overall its was just a ok year for me. I went through lots of heartache at work as well as personal. Maybe its time to reflect on those moments and make mends for the future. What does the future hold for me? Will I ever find someone for myself? Will I be spending next year's eve with a companion? So many questions, so many uncertainty.

Life has definitely taught me lots of valuable lessons. Everyday has been a learning day for me. SO many tests, predicament, ups and downs. I hope I would be able to use these lessons to uplift myself in the coming years. Sitting here, typing this blog, makes my mind ponder to nothingness. Should I think of the past year, my eyes tears up. My mind just dissolved into blank vision cos there is nothing much to ponder about this past year. Everyone around me has a pretty good year with lots of good things happening in their lives. Me? Nothing. Period.

I'm still hoping that someone might call and ask me out to celebrate the evening but then deep down I know that no ones going to call. I half hope the guys at least messages me for the new year yet again deep down I know I'm dreaming high. Pathetic. Lets hope the new year brings better prospect..

Me on 28 Dec

I'm doing better than I was yesterday. I did get scolded by my boss who indirectly called me dumb and embarrased me in front of other staff. I had nothing to say. Upset yes but life goes on right? My thoughts were with a little girl that passed away 2 days ago due to dengue. Such a waste of young promising life. I've met her once. Vibrant girl with sweet smile.

Who to blame? The parents for negligence? Unawareness? How could you take a sick child abroad for holidays? How did they miss her sickness? So many question run through my mind. Then again, god loved her more i guess. May her soul rest in peace and moves on to a better place.

Life is short. We don't know whats going to happpen the next minute. The ceiling might collapse on me right this moment. Often, we don't realise this simple fact and allow ourselves to dwell in the moment's hardness. I'm trying to pick myself up and live the moment.

Today, as I was checking my facebook I noticed a friend request. He was my past admirer, now married with a daughter. How life zoomed past us. If I had given him a chance, it would have been my daughter wouldn't it? Does it work that way? I'm still thinking if I should allow him as my friend. What if he laughs at me for being single? What if he teases me for not marrying him? Can I take the heart break? I'm not sure.

Many say single life is much better. Few disagrees. Maybe only a married person could tell the difference. I yearn for a companion. Being alone suits up to a certain age only. Thereafter, you need someone to share your ups and downs. Will I get a companion? Emmm... Tired of the wait. How long more? Time will tell?

Waiting.. Tick, tick, tick ...

Poem

Lonely Life


Lonely on the land I walk,
Lonely cross the sea I sail,
Lonely air of beach I stroll:
This lonely life doth take its toll.


Lonely trek of woodland trail,
Lonely mist in haze o’ dawn,
Lonely spies the bird of prey
In lonely circles all astray.


Lonely be such dark of night
When sleep is but a yearning wish,
To dream of sweet companions close,
As wine would pair with diner's dish.


Lonely do these thoughts me make
That draw my blood of precious life:
Replace with stream of flowing pain
To bless my veins with coursing strife.


Lonely years are now my friends,
Lonely cries bereft of sound,
Lonely tears that cool my face:
In lonely life of sullen pace.



From: Succumbed to Thinking by Mark Raymond Slaughter, lulu.com
Copyright © Mark Raymond Slaughter 2009
All rights reserved

Me on 26 Dec

Its been ages since i wrote. Not that I've been having the time of my life. Life has been pretty smooth with more downs than ups. I've been retorting to prayers mostly to get through my days. I've been asking for peace of mind. I have been confused and bugged all this while. In fact, I still do right this very moment.


Whats bothering me? Good question. I'm not sure where I should begin. I'm still single trying to find the right guy, just not sure where to look.. I have a heart for this guy who works for my close friend. She has told me previously that she has suggested to him that he asks me out but I never asked her what was his answer. Now, I have taken a liking to him and is afraid to voice out my feelings neither to him nor my close friend. I have hinted on this to my friend but she remains deaf ears.

I have been constantly thinking of him everyday and night. The feeling has started to hurt. I'm all for destiny and faith but somewhere deep inside me I think that I should make the first move regardless of the result. Other that, finances has been very tight this past months what being it holiday season and all. I'm thinking of a plan to cut down my expenses and concentrate on settling my way over the limit credit cards bills. I use to be a person who hated using cards, preferring to stick to cash but shit happens. Started with one can and BAMMMM!!!!! I'm the stupid dumb owner of 3 cards!

If you are reading this, please take this advice. Use cash. If you have no cash, then don't buy anything. Don't be tempted into getting a card AT ALL! Sincere advice from a person who is crashing with bills. Yet, the finance matters seems to be overrun by my feeling for the guy. How blunt can I be? On one side, I'm afraid of his answer. What if he doesn't like me? OUCH! That sure hurts like hell. Probably might hurt more than the pain of not telling him how I feel.

Emm...I'm leaving for now with this heavy thoughts...

Me on 19 Sept

Its been a while since i wrote. Many events has unfolded. Some happy, many unhappy ones. Am I the only person that feels down for every little set back in life? I break at almost everything. I myself think that I'm such a sensitive person. I'm not a accustomed to certain situation. Therefore, it makes me uncomfortable to face it. I dont like being questioned. I have always had some autonomy one way or the other. Being under someones fingers is not a way to live.

How do all of us live through the bad days. I try to cheer myself and yet my thoughts go back to the issue at hand. I was a person who used to takes things easy and face it with courage and strength. And yet, here i sit today worrying over every little things, especially work related. What happened to me over the years. I'm not sure. I havent been successful in finding myself. How many of us go through this?

I see the people around me with smiles nd joy. Is it fake? Are they trying to mask their sorrow like me. I have no one that I could truly share my feelings with. Its such a bump when you are about to open up but the other person hogs all the time and you forget what you were going to say or simply decide not to since the other person needs you. I need someone too. Someone who would listen to me. Just listen. I need to know that what I'm feeling is natural. Is it?

Im not sure what kind of life I'm living. Its full of unpleasant things. Of course its micro compared to what others go through. Its not so much about the issue. Its the fear that accompanies it. The issue is solvable most of the time. Its the aftermath that is so uncomfortable. Do I have a phychological prroblem that needds to be addressed. I have on previous occasion considered seeking a shrink for depression and the constant suicidal thoughts but I got out of it myself. Yes, suicide is always in my mind. It doesnt seems like an easy way out but it is an option to end this meaningless life in the hope of embarking on a new one. No one would notice my dissapearance. At most, 3 days of mourning and life moves on. I know I have not made an impact in anyone's life for them to miss me.

I watched the next top model shows. Whether it was staged or not, it sure did help me realise some of the feeling I'm going through is nature. I'm an ugly duckling. A fat one that is. I used to be a slim, high confident girl, now I'm an ugly fat woman. How did it happen? I was constant told of that. My former boyfriend said it. My mother says it. Who else needs to say it. She constantly reminds me that I'm fat. Whenever I eat that is. How to tough it out. I have friends who are fat and yet have found a partner. Should that be motivating?

Where am i leading?

Loneliness

Being apart and lonely is like rain.
It climbs toward evening from the ocean plains;
from flat places, rolling and remote, it climbs
to heaven, which is its old abode.
And only when leaving heaven drops upon the city.

It rains down on us in those twittering
hours when the streets turn their faces to the dawn,
and when two bodies who have found nothing,
dissapointed and depressed, roll over;
and when two people who despise eachother
have to sleep together in one bed-
that is when loneliness receives the rivers...


Rainer Maria Rilke

Me on 11 Sept

Loneliness has finally catches up with me during this long weekend of eid celebration. It feels utterly pathetic that I have no friends to hang out regularly with. All my good friends are married. I have been having trouble finding the right person. So, loneliness is all I have. I have to wait for someone to ask me out at their leisure time. What kind of life is that? Pathetic would be the right one!


Go out and make new friends you say? Where? Can I walk into a club alone and start mingling? How lame is that. I wouldn't be getting a friend. I might pick up 1 or 2 one niter. Genuine friends are hard to come by. I had a few of them but they have carried on with their lives. Loneliness could be so consuming. I have previously questioned my very existence and I'm doing it again today. What is my purpose in life. Why am i put here, in this cruel world. Till when will this will continue...

Rain, Rain

At first I couldn't get enough,

Now I just can't make it stop.

No rain in the desert that was rough,

Around here there's no dry spot.

It's been raining everyday,

Since I came back to my home.

The sunshine just can't seem to stay,

Hurricanes and storms, won't leave us alone.

I like the rain like everyone,

But it's been over done a bit.

We'll need a boat before we're done,
I'm about to throw a fit.

There's a fish just swimming by,
Waving his soggy fin at me.
All I could muster was a 'hi',
From my perch up in the tree.

 

Leprechaun

A Leprechaun is a small sprite that lives in farmhouses or wine cellars. Like Brownies they aid humans and accomplish small labours for them, they ask humans for supplies and furniture in return they give objects that bring luck and fortune. Leprechauns are described as merry little fellows that dress in old-fashioned green clothes with buckled shoes and they wear a red cap. They are known as fairy cobblers, as they make shoes for other elves.

They never make a pair of shoes they only make one. Popular belief is that a leprechaun possesses a treasure, which a human can obtain if they succeed in capturing one, which is very difficult. Leprechauns are mainly found in Irish folklore but do appear in other countries.

Serpent of Koshi

The Serpent of Koshi is a gigantic Japanese serpent with eight heads and eight tails. Each head has two red eyes; the size of the beast was large enough to cover eight hills and valleys. It was so large that trees and other vegetation grew upon its back.

The serpent liked to eat young maidens one every year until the eighth year where a the serpent was slain by a knight that lured the serpent to drink rice wine which sent the beast to sleep then the knight cut off the serpents eight heads.

Naga

Nagas originate from India they are serpents of the waters. These creatures take different forms some are all serpent with many heads others have serpent tails and the upper body is human others are human looking but with a snakes head. Nagas are guardians of treasure hidden with the earth. It is said they are able to control the weather.

There are different types of Naga

Hidden Nagas - Guardians of treasure in the earth.

Water Nagas - they live in springs, river & lakes and have palaces of gold, rubies and emeralds.

Divine Nagas - Are of the sky they form the clouds.

Heavenly Nagas - they guard the temples of the gods.

Me on 5 Sep

Ever wonder what is your purpose in life? I have again and again questioned my very existence. Whenever the loneliness overwhelm me, I question my purpose. What have establish so far? Nothing significant. Am I missing something? My whole life has been about questions. I lead a truly boring life. I should be out there making friends and living my single life. Yet, I don't see the purpose. Am I ready for another blow of betrayal. NO!


Its been almost 2 years since I have been betrayed by a person called friend. What didn't I do for this person. I was a fantastic friend. Yet, she was embarrassed to call herself my friend. She went around bad mouthing me. She would in return bad mouth about those people to in order to prevent me from talking to them and finding out the truth about her. Truth always prevail. When I found out, I was devastated. She didn't even apologized. She said she only said the truth.


What she said made me think the worst of myself. I lost my confidence. Moreover, I lost my believe in people. Everyone was born with a weakness. Mine is my sarcasm. Does that mean I'm a bad person. After that day, I became a loner. Life, purpose, my existence became a question mark. I no longer find myself useful to anyone. I feel that I do not deserve to be with anyone due to the things she said. Of course, what she did was just the tip of the iceberg. I was already broken with what my ex did to me. She just confirmed it was the reason why my ex walked away.


I look around me and see so many people who have done far worst than me are happy. Yet, my life is filled with nothing but loneliness. Today, i painted some flowers. That 1 hour that i dedicated for art took my mind of things, bad things in my life. In fact, it took my sorrow, my lifeless life. It took me a new height where all there was colors. I'm beginning to build a imagination around myself. I didn't have any imaginary friends when I was younger but now I do. Pathetic? Yes but its the only thing that keeps me going, keeps me sane.

I'm Self Confident

With your self-confidence, you will succeed

No longer will your heart painfully bleed

As humans, we have our twists and turns

However, from these problems we always learn

Life has its own road and way

But you have your opinion, actions, and your say

Although life may bring you down

Don’t ever respond with a frown

Instead of giving up and letting go

Just cope with the problems and let them flow

In the end, a solution will be made

And no longer will fear and doubt be your shade

Perfection is a fictitious word you should never follow lead

If you seek perfection, you will never succeed

Just take a step at a time to regain your confidence again

However, along the path there will be pain

You will make mistakes along the way

But never let your faults forever stay

Wisdom will guide your every step

And will erase all the bad memoirs that you have long kept

You will regain your self-confidence bit by bit

The worse may happen but you mustn’t quit…

Marria Attar

Hydra

The Hydra which lived in the swamps near to the ancient city of Lerna in Argolis, was a terrifying monster which like the Nemean lion was the offspring of Echidna (half maiden - half serpent), and Typhon (had 100 heads), other versions think that the Hydra was the offspring of Styx and the Titan Pallas. The Hydra had the body of a serpent and many heads (the number of heads deviates from five up to one hundred there are many versions but generally nine is accepted as standard), of which one could never be harmed by any weapon, and if any of the other heads were severed another would grow in its place (in some versions two would grow). Also the stench from the Hydra's breath was enough to kill man or beast (in other versions it was a deadly venom). When it emerged from the swamp it would attack herds of cattle and local villagers, devouring them with its numerous heads. It totally terrorized the vicinity for many years.

Heracles journeyed to Lake Lerna in a speedy chariot, and with him he took his nephew and charioteer Iolaus, in search of the dreaded Hydra. When they finally reached the Hydras' hiding place, Heracles told Iolaus to stay with the horses while he drew the monster from its hole with flaming arrows. This brought out the hideous beast. Heracles courageously attacked the beast, flaying at each head with his sword, (in some versions a scythe) but he soon realized that as one head was severed another grew in its place. Heracles called for help from Iolaus, telling him to bring a flaming torch, and as Heracles cut off the heads one by one from the Hydra, Iolaus cauterized the open wounds with the torch preventing them from growing again.

As Heracles fought the writhing monster he was almost stifled by its obnoxious breath, but eventually, with the help of Iolaus, Heracles removed all but one of the Hydras' heads. The one remaining could not be harmed by any weapon, so, picking up his hefty club Heracles crushed it with one mighty blow, he then tore off the head with his bare hands and quickly buried it deep in the ground, placing a huge boulder on the top. After he had killed the Hydra, Heracles dipped the tips of his arrows into the Hydras' blood, which was extremely poisonous, making them deadly.

Other versions say that while Heracles fought the Hydra the goddess Hera sent down a giant crab which attacked his feet). This legend comes from a marble relief dating from the 2nd century BCE found at ancient Lerna, showing Heracles attacking the Hydra, and near his feet is a huge crab. Also other legends say that a stray arrow set alight the forest, and it was the burning trunks which Heracles ripped up and used to cauterize the open wounds.

by Ron Leadbetter

Centaur

"These monsters were represented as men from the head to the loins, while the rest of the body was that of a horse. The ancients were too fond of a horse to consider the union of his nature with man's as forming a very degraded compound, and accordingly the Centaur is the only one of the fancied monsters of antiquity to which any good traits are assigned.

The Centaurs were admitted to the companionship of man, and at the marriage of Pirithous with Hippodamia they were among the guests. At the feast of Eurytion, one of the Centaurs, becoming intoxicated with the wine, attempted to offer violence to the bride; the other Centaurs followed his example, and a dreadful conflict arose in which several of them were slain. This is the celebrated battle of the Lapiths and the Centaurs, a favorite subject with the sculptors and poets of antiquity.

But not all the Centaurs were like the rude guests of Pirithous. Chiron was instructed by Apollo and Artemis, and was renowned for his skill in hunting, medicine, music, and the art of prophecy. The most distinguished heroes of Greek history were his pupils. Among the rest the infant Asklepios was intrusted to his charge by Apollo, his father. When the sage returned to his home bearing the infant, his daughter Ocyroe came forth to meet him, and at sight of the child burst forth into a prophetic strain (for she was a prophetess), foretelling the glory that he was to achieve.

Asklepios when grown up became a renowned physician, and even in one instance succeeded in restoring the dead to life. Hades resented this, and Zeus, at his request, struck the bold physician with lightening, and killed him, but after his death received him into the number of the gods. Chiron was the wisest and most just of all the Centaurs, and at his death Zeus placed him among the stars as the constellation Sagittarius."

- from Bulfinch's Mythology

Medusa

Medusa was a terrible monster who had laid waste to the country. She was once a beautiful maiden whose hair was her chief glory, but as she dared to vie in beauty with Athena, the goddess deprived her of her charms and changed her beautiful ringlets into hissing serpents. She became a cruel monster of so frightening an aspect that no living thing could behold her without being turned into stone.

All around the cavern where she dwelt might be seen the stony figures of men and animals which had chanced to catch a glimpse of her and had been petrified with the sight. Perseus, favored by Athena and Hermes, the former of whom lent him her shield and the latter his winged shoes, approached Medusa while she slept, and taking care not to look directly at her, but guided by her image reflected in the bright shield which he bore, he cut off her head and gave it to Athena, who fixed it in the middle of her Aegis.

Many later images of Medusa thwart our expectations of what she should look like. From the previous story, we are led to believe that she was a creature so hideous in appearance that her very glance could petrify the viewer.

However, Medusa has the face of a beautiful woman. It is only her expression of deep sorrow - and the intertwined snakes around her head - that hint that this is a representation of the monster of myth and legend. This manner of depiction reveals that Medusa was originally a lovely woman - it was her tragedy that she was foolish enough to compare herself to a goddess.

loggia.com/myth/medusa.html

Sweet treat!

Hill Top

 Wonder how it feels standing right at the edge...

Snowy..

                                                    Could this be where the Titans lived? ;)

Heartache from Heartbreak

Heartache from heartbreak will sober your soul.
Burns through my conscience like smoldering coals
Slow and constant, little joy to be had
I cannot deal with the good or the bad.

Reflections on memories get frozen in time,
Emptiness and pain rule the reason and rhyme.
It’ll humble your spirit and weigh on your heart.
Making me wonder why we ever did part.

The heartache from heartbreak will temper your soul
No passion or beauty, it is so hard to see
What really went wrong between you and me?

Help me stop blaming myself for mistakes that we made.
Why didn’t we fight for the love that we had or
For one another when we were so young?
So tell me my darling what could have been done!

The heartache from heartbreak will temper your soul
No passion or beauty, it is so hard to see
What really went wrong between you and me?

William J. (Skip) Henderson Jr.

Me on 2 Sep

Quite day at work. Its just half a day right now. My heart is no longer aching over the recent incident. So, I couldn't care a less about that right now. The people I work with are like an ass. Always out to prove the wrong point. What I asked is not answered. Instead a different answer reaches my mailbox and the reply is intended to embarrass me in the eyes of my down liners. Do you have so much time now that you have your own room? Nonsense, answer my question and not tell me what my functions are as I sure as hell my question was not even remotely related to what you answered! Some boss!

It is such a heartache to be working at a place that is great overall but spoilt by few people who thinks that they are the pillars in this place. In reality, they are dispensable. They just think they aren't. The corporate world today is full of such person. In order to save the trouble of finding a new recruitment, employers are forced to put up such nonsense people. The higher management are full of humble people but the middle level people..OMG! When will people learn that such attitude will only give them temporary power. In the long run it will destroy them. It would only take few employee to retaliate.

Let us see how the rest of the day goes. The rest of the day was ok. I manage to block out what happened earlier. We can't really dwell matters like this right? Just pick up where you left off and move forward. Time waits for no man. Shall we move forward?

Me on 1 Sep

Should you go out for a drink with your ex? The answer would be a big NO if he has 'something funny' in his mind. But how would you know what his intentions are? Well, you did date him..so technically you should know whether he is worth it to go for drinks with. That is exactly what I thought when I went out last night. I thought it would be a innocent meeting with some catching up and laughter of how stupid we use to be. Unfortunately I was wrong. Today, I lived through the day wondering many things and thinking back at the past. Everything that happened to us, between us. I spent the whole day thinking about him and nothing more. I'm not ready to be emotionally hurt again. Once was enough to last me a lifetime.

I came home yesterday confused on what his intentions were to meet me after a couple of years. Of course we kept in touch through phone but never meeting each other. So, when he suggested, I was tempted to meet him. So, I did. What is his intentions? Did he truly miss me? Does he truly regrets the things that he has done in the past? Was his asking for forgiveness genuine? What on earth is happening? Why did he behave like nothing happened in the past? Why did he think I would the same person as before? Yes, I missed him. I had a couple of drinks and I was a part of what happened. I didn't initiate anything. I stopped it before it went further. His touch was warm and comforting but surely not at the expense of me betraying his family. That is just not acceptable no matter how much I love him.

The answers? Only god knows and maybe him too. I'm not ready to embark on something that I know it is going to be disastrous. Furthermore, this will be considered taboo. Why would he want to put me through the hell again? A better question is WHY would I want to go through the pain again? I admit that I have gotten over him but then love never dies. I still love him dearly and have forgiven him for the ways he treated me. I longed to meet him. Just an innocent meet. Nothing more. Anyway, I messaged him today twice but no reply. Guess, he did have an ulterior motive to meeting me. Therefore when nothing more happened, he got pissed off. He is showing it the best way he knows. By ignoring me. Am I being dumb again?

I asked God to send me a good companion and she sends me him. Why? Is there more karma that I should live through? May god be with me, lead me in the right path and give me the strength to live through this pain. 

ஓம் ஸ்ரீ துர்கைய நமஹா!

A beautiful advice...

An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain.. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice..'


1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day un rushed.
4. Say 'No' to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental 
    health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard
   things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, let go of the anxiety. If you can't
     do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra
     stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of
     trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a good book with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest
18. Eat right.
19 Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life..
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Try to nip small problems in the bud.
24. Make friends with good people...
25. Keep a folder of favorite readings/sayings on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank you,God'
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego
33 Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36 Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful 
    for before.

Me on 31 Aug

Its Independence day and the official end of my long leave. Back to work tomorrow. Let the routine begin!

I received a message today that reads like this 'if you had a chance to ask for forgiveness from 1 person, who will it be?'. I was taken aback with this message. Tears began to build in my eyes. Was I impressed? Shocked? Not sure of my feelings at that point. It did however also put a smile in my face. I never thought of the person sending me such message after the pain he has put me through all these years.

I have long gotten over the pain though I have never forgotten what has happened. It was never about his actions but more of his words. Sharp, hurting words. Everything I have ever done for him was down the drain in split second. I'm not sure if I'm ready to forgive him though I sometimes feel that it is not his fault for the things that has happened. I believe in karma. I believe that it was my karma that I have been put through those horrible moments. I was also dumbly in love with him. When all this comes together, I'm not sure where his fault lies.

He was just being a guy. Cheat, two timing is what most guys do, especially young, immature ones. We were young and immature at that point. He wasn't ready to settle down and I was crazily in love that I was willing to do anything for him. Anything. I still hurt when I think of the past. However, all this thing that happened has not stopped me from messaging him or even talking to him once awhile. He is happily married with a child now. I don't want to be a part of his life anymore but the fact that i;m always in his mind is comforting. What it means? Can we be friends? I don't know. I will let the days ahead of us to decide if this bond is a life time.

Ain't nothing from the past coming back...

Not a 'what-if' in sight,
On the horizon in my mind.
Neither am I trying to find,
An 'I wonder'.
Today has much more relevance
With something about it that can be changed...
If my movements within it persist as wished.
I live to correct my own steps within minutes,
Without preconditions.

I'm concentrating on that which I can do right now.
And letting the breath I breathe be experienced,
As it is to myself witnessed.
My eyes are open and I am kept ready to adjust.
Those wishing for the taste of grandma's cakes,
Cookies and homemade pies...
Are finding it hard to adapt to facts.
Ain't nothing from the past coming back...naturally!
However...

Maybe an habitual headache from a process is desired.
And one that welcomes an attachment loved when attacked.
From those unseen relatives living away long distance,
And coming to visit and admittedly missed.
Shouldering hopeful grievances to unload and stress to match.


Lawrence S. Pertillar

'The Last Exorcism' Trailer - Not for everyone!

Another beautiful song - Madrasapattinam

Beautiful song - Madrasapattinam

Zeus

Thousands of years ago many people believed in a god named Zeus. He was considered to be the god of the sky and weather and his image appeared on most Greek coins. The people of Greece worshipped this idol as their god. Zeus became one of the Seven Wonders of the World. Phidias, a famous Greek sculptor and his laborers carved a giant statue of Zeus in a special workshop behind the temple. It was made entirely of ivory and gold (Chryselephantine). When finished it sat in the temple on an elaborate throne along with sculptures and paintings of Greek myths and legends. Zeus was the most celebrated statue of ancient times because of its greatness, charm and worth.

Zeus was the supreme god and ruler of Olympus. He was known by many titles: Lord of the Sky, the Cloud- gatherer, the Rain-god and Zeus the Thunderer, all of which show which force of nature was considered to be the most important in Ancient World - rain. In most other mythologies the "ruler-god" was usually associated with the sun, but in Greece the climate is hot and dry making rain the scarce, life-giving force.

Zeus was the sixth child born to Cronus and Rhea, Because Cronus, ruler of the Titans and the supreme god at the time, was afraid that one of his children would overthrow him, just like he overthrew his father, Uranus, he swallowed his first five children - Poseidon, Hades, Hera, Demeter and Hestia. This, of course, infuriated Rhea and when Zeus was born she tricked Cronus into swallowing a rock wrapped in blankets. Zeus is more powerful than any other god or even all the other gods combined. But, unlike many gods in other religions he was neither omnipotent nor omniscient. He could be, and in fact was, opposed, deceived and tricked by gods and men alike. His power, although great, was not boundless, Zeus had no control over The Fates and Destiny. Like all Greek divinities, Zeus was subject to pleasure, pain, grief, and anger, but he was most susceptible to the power of Eros - love, which often got the objects of his desire in a lot of trouble with his wife, Hera.

Zeus was mighty, glorious, awesome and wise, although he did show a certain degree of surprising foolishness and naiveness when it came to hiding his love affairs. Some historians attribute this less than noble behavior of the "noblest one of all" to the fact that Zeus was most likely a compilation of many "supreme gods" from different areas. When his worship spread to an area which already worshipped another god, some of that god’s qualities as well as his wife or lover were transferred to Zeus. Aside from the endless affairs Zeus was different from other gods in that he did not participate in the arguments and the resulting petty scheming that made up the daily activities of other gods. Being this wise ruler, he also demanded just and righteous action from men. Zeus was however vengeful, as can be seen in The creation of man by Prometheus, but only rightly so.

Zeus had two special attendants, Nike (Victoria), the goddess of victory, and his cup-bearer, Hebe, who was one of his numerous daughters. After Hebe married Heracles, Ganymede replaced her as the cup-bearer for Zeus. In Roman Mythology, Zeus’ counterpart, Jupiter, was also attended by Fama (fame) and Fortuna (luck and chance, Tyche in Greek). Zeus was the guardian of political order and peace. The aegis is his breastplate - so glorious and at the same time awful to behold that no human could see Zeus in all his magnificence and survive. His weapon is, of course the thunderbolt which he hurled at whoever displeased him. The thunderbolts were fashioned for him the three Cyclopes who also were the deciding power in the battle with the Titans. His bird is the Eagle, his tree - the Oak. Dodona was his oracle. His will was revealed by the rustling of oak leaves which was interpreted by his priests.

Reality shows

So,what is the deal with reality shows? I mean shows like amazing race, survivor etc shows its purpose but what about shows like kardashians, guliana n bill, kimora and even the bachelors. Are these real or act? If its act, they might as well turn it into drama like desperate housewives or cougar town. The dramas shows reality through acting. I feel like reality shows are such rip offs. They in no way depict reality. I think a lot of the reality shows have now done away with the reality part of them and have became rather scripted which sort of defeats the purpose. So, why show at all? Money? glamour? Publicity? No, they call it entertainment. They are popular because they appeal to people's voyeuristic tendencies.


Our current society desires reality. People yearn to see themselves on TV; and if not themselves then any other middle class or celebrity. they try to live through the rich and glamorous. The undeniable popularity of reality shows says a lot about the current world lifestyle and culture. A scripted reality has the eerie possibility of transforming relationships in the unscripted world. For whichever reason, our society is being exploited and portrayed as a dramatized, rehearsed, and utterly shallow mess of bad judgment and depleting values.


Producers of reality TV do not realize the harm they are causing by brainwashing us into thinking that real world people and events are as portrayed TV. When young girls see that the prettiest and skinniest girl wins everytime, a dangerous stereotype emerges. When sex, explicit or subliminal, is a recurring theme in almost all reality shows, explicit or subliminal, our society is portrayed with no moral compass.

The reality is that what TV deems REAL is actually distracting society from what really matters: preserving the family, education, culture, morale, having control over our government, and feeling safe at home. The continuous desire for reality TV supports the misrepresentation and hegemony of western and entices other, more conservative nations to frown upon world's culture.

Someone, somewhere has pre-determined what our society believes as REAL and they are laughing all the way to the bank.

Middle Class?

James E. McWhinney, On Friday August 27, 2010, 3:49 pm EDT

Not so long ago, most people viewed the hallmarks of success as something along the lines of a house, a white picket fence, two weeks vacation, two children and the ability to send those kids to college. Today, the middle class is a vanishing breed according to nearly every survey and statistic on the topic. Its disappearance is of such grave concern to the fabric of American society that the U.S. government launched a task force to explore the issue. Despite all of the attention to the subject, defining "middle class" remains a challenge, as everyone wants to be in the middle regardless of their income. Instead of focusing on the dollars, let's take a look at the lifestyle benchmarks that define middle class status.

Have You Made it to the Middle?

A wide variety of numbers have been thrown around in an effort to define the middle. People earning 20% of the average income and people earning 80% all claim to be part of the middle class. More than a few millionaires make the claim too. While there is no official financial standard, the middle class as defined by the government task force is characterized in terms of six financial aspirations, which we can view as benchmarks.

•Home Ownership

Home ownership remains the American dream. The step up from renting to owning signifies prosperity and achievement. With median home prices ranges differing by so much in different cities across the United States, the ability to achieve this goal varies significantly by geographical location. Someone earning an income in the 50% range in Detroit may not be able to afford even a small house in Los Angeles.

•Automobile Ownership

Owning an automobile provides freedom of movement and the luxury of avoiding the limited schedules and cramped quarters offered by mass transportation options such as buses and subways. Here again, the cost of cars varying widely, as does the kind of automobile required. For one driver, a used Hyundai will do the trick. For another, a new BMW signifies the achievement of this goal.

•A College Education for the Kids

Helping children get ahead in life is a primary goal for middle class families. Paying for a college education for children can cost anywhere from the low tens of thousands of dollars to hundreds of thousands. Decisions about which university of college to attend can have a significant impact on the price tag.

•Retirement Security

Retirement is a goal nearly everyone wants to achieve. It demonstrates success and provides a reward for decades of hard work. Once again, definitions make a difference. The amount of gold required to support your golden years will vary significantly depending on whether you want a staff of 10 at your villa in the South of France or a townhouse in Peoria, Illinois.

•Health Care Coverage

The ability to obtain healthcare is an important goal for middle class wager earners and their families. The high and rising cost of medical care and prescription drugs make healthcare coverage an ever-increasing need, as going without it can have serious negative financial implications in the event of a severe illness or injury.
\mily Vacation

The family vacation is a middle class staple. Vacations demonstrate that a family has disposable income and has been successful enough to take time away from work to focus on leisure.

What Happened on the Way to the Dream?

Globalization and technological advances began to reverse the growth of the middle class. The manufacturing base in the United States changed, as good-paying jobs in factories and heavy industries went overseas to lower-paying markets and labor unions lost much of their ability to bargain for high wages and good benefits. Later, white-collar jobs from accounting and data entry to reading medical images and answering telephones in call centers were also sent offshore. Many jobs that remained in the U.S. were eliminated by computers and other technological advancements that increased productivity.

To achieve or maintain a middle-class lifestyle, many households became two-income families. Achieving middle class goals became more difficult as employers eliminated their pension plans and defined-benefit plans, the cost of a college education continued to rise and the cost of healthcare jumped. For most of the 20-year period following 1990, the Commerce Department reports that real median income grew at a rate of about 20%, while the cost of a college education grew between 43% and 60%, the cost of housing rose 56% and healthcare costs jumped by 155%.

How to Get There

Although there are significant challenges to obtaining middle class status, there are some proactive steps that can help make the dream a reality. Budgeting is one of the most obvious. Understanding where your money goes each month can help you determine the exact makeup of the benchmarks you are trying to match. Are you looking for a Hyundai or a BMW?

Planning is another crucial step. Are the kids going to a state university or a private college? Are scholarships an option? Some savvy families find money for college by participating in programs which can aide families with the costs related to sending a child to university.

Working is another one of the requirements. A second job or a side business might be just what you need to boost your income and achieve some of your goals. Putting your money to work is also an important consideration. Investing has helped build wealth for generations. In fact, income earners ranked in the top 1% enjoyed significant increases in wealth even as the middle class fell into decline. Most of that wealth came from investments. Even if you don't have the means to invest for current income, you can take a few dollars from each paycheck and save for your retirement.

The Bottom Line

Don't underestimate the role of hard work and luck. Sometimes being in the right place at the right time or taking one particular course of action over another can make all the difference. So keep watching for opportunities and make the most of them when you find them. As motion-picture mogul Samuel Goldwyn said, "The harder I work, the luckier I get."

Me on 29 Aug

Another day spent sitting at home, catching up with tele shows. The heat is unbelievable. Hot, hot, sweat and more sweat. Is this some kind of heat wave? The heat is causing headache. I cant take a nap. Emmm..listen to me complaining on trivial matter.

I watched Oprah today. A women was recounting the moment her husband tried to kill her. She survived. Amazing story. Such cruelty. I have always wondered what drives people to kill. Psychology? Hate? Passion? Love? Jealousy? The list goes on. I have read the accounts of murderers, especially serial killers. Most are from broken family, childhood trauma etc.

But what really get them going? The voices? The urge that they could cleanse the world of evil wrongdoings? What is it? Human are such a complex creatures. How the creators thought of such details is astounishing. This truly shows that there is a higher power at work..be it good or evil. It is out there.

Me on 27 Aug

I practically spent the entire day on bed. Its just an extremely lazy day. Only stepped out to collect the pizza. The kind of day rarely comes by where you get to spend time by yourself, for yourself. I was suppose to go for a picnic but I opt out. Lazy.

Life could be such a routine. How we do it repeatedly is beyond me. Is this what life goes on means? Maybe, This is a choice we make in how we want to live our lives. This is whats in store for those who are afraid to take chances and try new things, Resistance to change? Maybe. We are to comfortable with our lives. While much time is wasted thinking how monotonous our lives are, none is spent to live it up. We are afraid of the dissapointment, failure.

Im one of those people.