Should you go out for a drink with your ex? The answer would be a big NO if he has 'something funny' in his mind. But how would you know what his intentions are? Well, you did date him..so technically you should know whether he is worth it to go for drinks with. That is exactly what I thought when I went out last night. I thought it would be a innocent meeting with some catching up and laughter of how stupid we use to be. Unfortunately I was wrong. Today, I lived through the day wondering many things and thinking back at the past. Everything that happened to us, between us. I spent the whole day thinking about him and nothing more. I'm not ready to be emotionally hurt again. Once was enough to last me a lifetime.
I came home yesterday confused on what his intentions were to meet me after a couple of years. Of course we kept in touch through phone but never meeting each other. So, when he suggested, I was tempted to meet him. So, I did. What is his intentions? Did he truly miss me? Does he truly regrets the things that he has done in the past? Was his asking for forgiveness genuine? What on earth is happening? Why did he behave like nothing happened in the past? Why did he think I would the same person as before? Yes, I missed him. I had a couple of drinks and I was a part of what happened. I didn't initiate anything. I stopped it before it went further. His touch was warm and comforting but surely not at the expense of me betraying his family. That is just not acceptable no matter how much I love him.
The answers? Only god knows and maybe him too. I'm not ready to embark on something that I know it is going to be disastrous. Furthermore, this will be considered taboo. Why would he want to put me through the hell again? A better question is WHY would I want to go through the pain again? I admit that I have gotten over him but then love never dies. I still love him dearly and have forgiven him for the ways he treated me. I longed to meet him. Just an innocent meet. Nothing more. Anyway, I messaged him today twice but no reply. Guess, he did have an ulterior motive to meeting me. Therefore when nothing more happened, he got pissed off. He is showing it the best way he knows. By ignoring me. Am I being dumb again?
I asked God to send me a good companion and she sends me him. Why? Is there more karma that I should live through? May god be with me, lead me in the right path and give me the strength to live through this pain.
ஓம் ஸ்ரீ துர்கைய நமஹா!
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