Me on 5 Sep

Ever wonder what is your purpose in life? I have again and again questioned my very existence. Whenever the loneliness overwhelm me, I question my purpose. What have establish so far? Nothing significant. Am I missing something? My whole life has been about questions. I lead a truly boring life. I should be out there making friends and living my single life. Yet, I don't see the purpose. Am I ready for another blow of betrayal. NO!


Its been almost 2 years since I have been betrayed by a person called friend. What didn't I do for this person. I was a fantastic friend. Yet, she was embarrassed to call herself my friend. She went around bad mouthing me. She would in return bad mouth about those people to in order to prevent me from talking to them and finding out the truth about her. Truth always prevail. When I found out, I was devastated. She didn't even apologized. She said she only said the truth.


What she said made me think the worst of myself. I lost my confidence. Moreover, I lost my believe in people. Everyone was born with a weakness. Mine is my sarcasm. Does that mean I'm a bad person. After that day, I became a loner. Life, purpose, my existence became a question mark. I no longer find myself useful to anyone. I feel that I do not deserve to be with anyone due to the things she said. Of course, what she did was just the tip of the iceberg. I was already broken with what my ex did to me. She just confirmed it was the reason why my ex walked away.


I look around me and see so many people who have done far worst than me are happy. Yet, my life is filled with nothing but loneliness. Today, i painted some flowers. That 1 hour that i dedicated for art took my mind of things, bad things in my life. In fact, it took my sorrow, my lifeless life. It took me a new height where all there was colors. I'm beginning to build a imagination around myself. I didn't have any imaginary friends when I was younger but now I do. Pathetic? Yes but its the only thing that keeps me going, keeps me sane.