Its been a while since i wrote. Many events has unfolded. Some happy, many unhappy ones. Am I the only person that feels down for every little set back in life? I break at almost everything. I myself think that I'm such a sensitive person. I'm not a accustomed to certain situation. Therefore, it makes me uncomfortable to face it. I dont like being questioned. I have always had some autonomy one way or the other. Being under someones fingers is not a way to live.
How do all of us live through the bad days. I try to cheer myself and yet my thoughts go back to the issue at hand. I was a person who used to takes things easy and face it with courage and strength. And yet, here i sit today worrying over every little things, especially work related. What happened to me over the years. I'm not sure. I havent been successful in finding myself. How many of us go through this?
I see the people around me with smiles nd joy. Is it fake? Are they trying to mask their sorrow like me. I have no one that I could truly share my feelings with. Its such a bump when you are about to open up but the other person hogs all the time and you forget what you were going to say or simply decide not to since the other person needs you. I need someone too. Someone who would listen to me. Just listen. I need to know that what I'm feeling is natural. Is it?
Im not sure what kind of life I'm living. Its full of unpleasant things. Of course its micro compared to what others go through. Its not so much about the issue. Its the fear that accompanies it. The issue is solvable most of the time. Its the aftermath that is so uncomfortable. Do I have a phychological prroblem that needds to be addressed. I have on previous occasion considered seeking a shrink for depression and the constant suicidal thoughts but I got out of it myself. Yes, suicide is always in my mind. It doesnt seems like an easy way out but it is an option to end this meaningless life in the hope of embarking on a new one. No one would notice my dissapearance. At most, 3 days of mourning and life moves on. I know I have not made an impact in anyone's life for them to miss me.
I watched the next top model shows. Whether it was staged or not, it sure did help me realise some of the feeling I'm going through is nature. I'm an ugly duckling. A fat one that is. I used to be a slim, high confident girl, now I'm an ugly fat woman. How did it happen? I was constant told of that. My former boyfriend said it. My mother says it. Who else needs to say it. She constantly reminds me that I'm fat. Whenever I eat that is. How to tough it out. I have friends who are fat and yet have found a partner. Should that be motivating?
Where am i leading?
Monday, September 20, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Loneliness
Being apart and lonely is like rain.
It climbs toward evening from the ocean plains;
from flat places, rolling and remote, it climbs
to heaven, which is its old abode.
And only when leaving heaven drops upon the city.
It rains down on us in those twittering
hours when the streets turn their faces to the dawn,
and when two bodies who have found nothing,
dissapointed and depressed, roll over;
and when two people who despise eachother
have to sleep together in one bed-
that is when loneliness receives the rivers...
Rainer Maria Rilke
It climbs toward evening from the ocean plains;
from flat places, rolling and remote, it climbs
to heaven, which is its old abode.
And only when leaving heaven drops upon the city.
It rains down on us in those twittering
hours when the streets turn their faces to the dawn,
and when two bodies who have found nothing,
dissapointed and depressed, roll over;
and when two people who despise eachother
have to sleep together in one bed-
that is when loneliness receives the rivers...
Rainer Maria Rilke
Me on 11 Sept
Loneliness has finally catches up with me during this long weekend of eid celebration. It feels utterly pathetic that I have no friends to hang out regularly with. All my good friends are married. I have been having trouble finding the right person. So, loneliness is all I have. I have to wait for someone to ask me out at their leisure time. What kind of life is that? Pathetic would be the right one!
Go out and make new friends you say? Where? Can I walk into a club alone and start mingling? How lame is that. I wouldn't be getting a friend. I might pick up 1 or 2 one niter. Genuine friends are hard to come by. I had a few of them but they have carried on with their lives. Loneliness could be so consuming. I have previously questioned my very existence and I'm doing it again today. What is my purpose in life. Why am i put here, in this cruel world. Till when will this will continue...
Go out and make new friends you say? Where? Can I walk into a club alone and start mingling? How lame is that. I wouldn't be getting a friend. I might pick up 1 or 2 one niter. Genuine friends are hard to come by. I had a few of them but they have carried on with their lives. Loneliness could be so consuming. I have previously questioned my very existence and I'm doing it again today. What is my purpose in life. Why am i put here, in this cruel world. Till when will this will continue...
Monday, September 6, 2010
Rain, Rain
At first I couldn't get enough, Now I just can't make it stop.
No rain in the desert that was rough,
Around here there's no dry spot.
It's been raining everyday,
Since I came back to my home.
The sunshine just can't seem to stay,
Hurricanes and storms, won't leave us alone.I like the rain like everyone,
But it's been over done a bit.
We'll need a boat before we're done, I'm about to throw a fit.
Waving his soggy fin at me.
All I could muster was a 'hi',
From my perch up in the tree.
Leprechaun
A Leprechaun is a small sprite that lives in farmhouses or wine cellars. Like Brownies they aid humans and accomplish small labours for them, they ask humans for supplies and furniture in return they give objects that bring luck and fortune. Leprechauns are described as merry little fellows that dress in old-fashioned green clothes with buckled shoes and they wear a red cap. They are known as fairy cobblers, as they make shoes for other elves.
They never make a pair of shoes they only make one. Popular belief is that a leprechaun possesses a treasure, which a human can obtain if they succeed in capturing one, which is very difficult. Leprechauns are mainly found in Irish folklore but do appear in other countries.
They never make a pair of shoes they only make one. Popular belief is that a leprechaun possesses a treasure, which a human can obtain if they succeed in capturing one, which is very difficult. Leprechauns are mainly found in Irish folklore but do appear in other countries.
Serpent of Koshi
The Serpent of Koshi is a gigantic Japanese serpent with eight heads and eight tails. Each head has two red eyes; the size of the beast was large enough to cover eight hills and valleys. It was so large that trees and other vegetation grew upon its back.
The serpent liked to eat young maidens one every year until the eighth year where a the serpent was slain by a knight that lured the serpent to drink rice wine which sent the beast to sleep then the knight cut off the serpents eight heads.
Naga
Nagas originate from India they are serpents of the waters. These creatures take different forms some are all serpent with many heads others have serpent tails and the upper body is human others are human looking but with a snakes head. Nagas are guardians of treasure hidden with the earth. It is said they are able to control the weather.
There are different types of NagaHidden Nagas - Guardians of treasure in the earth.
Water Nagas - they live in springs, river & lakes and have palaces of gold, rubies and emeralds.
Divine Nagas - Are of the sky they form the clouds.
Heavenly Nagas - they guard the temples of the gods.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Me on 5 Sep
Ever wonder what is your purpose in life? I have again and again questioned my very existence. Whenever the loneliness overwhelm me, I question my purpose. What have establish so far? Nothing significant. Am I missing something? My whole life has been about questions. I lead a truly boring life. I should be out there making friends and living my single life. Yet, I don't see the purpose. Am I ready for another blow of betrayal. NO!
Its been almost 2 years since I have been betrayed by a person called friend. What didn't I do for this person. I was a fantastic friend. Yet, she was embarrassed to call herself my friend. She went around bad mouthing me. She would in return bad mouth about those people to in order to prevent me from talking to them and finding out the truth about her. Truth always prevail. When I found out, I was devastated. She didn't even apologized. She said she only said the truth.
What she said made me think the worst of myself. I lost my confidence. Moreover, I lost my believe in people. Everyone was born with a weakness. Mine is my sarcasm. Does that mean I'm a bad person. After that day, I became a loner. Life, purpose, my existence became a question mark. I no longer find myself useful to anyone. I feel that I do not deserve to be with anyone due to the things she said. Of course, what she did was just the tip of the iceberg. I was already broken with what my ex did to me. She just confirmed it was the reason why my ex walked away.
I look around me and see so many people who have done far worst than me are happy. Yet, my life is filled with nothing but loneliness. Today, i painted some flowers. That 1 hour that i dedicated for art took my mind of things, bad things in my life. In fact, it took my sorrow, my lifeless life. It took me a new height where all there was colors. I'm beginning to build a imagination around myself. I didn't have any imaginary friends when I was younger but now I do. Pathetic? Yes but its the only thing that keeps me going, keeps me sane.
Its been almost 2 years since I have been betrayed by a person called friend. What didn't I do for this person. I was a fantastic friend. Yet, she was embarrassed to call herself my friend. She went around bad mouthing me. She would in return bad mouth about those people to in order to prevent me from talking to them and finding out the truth about her. Truth always prevail. When I found out, I was devastated. She didn't even apologized. She said she only said the truth.
What she said made me think the worst of myself. I lost my confidence. Moreover, I lost my believe in people. Everyone was born with a weakness. Mine is my sarcasm. Does that mean I'm a bad person. After that day, I became a loner. Life, purpose, my existence became a question mark. I no longer find myself useful to anyone. I feel that I do not deserve to be with anyone due to the things she said. Of course, what she did was just the tip of the iceberg. I was already broken with what my ex did to me. She just confirmed it was the reason why my ex walked away.
I look around me and see so many people who have done far worst than me are happy. Yet, my life is filled with nothing but loneliness. Today, i painted some flowers. That 1 hour that i dedicated for art took my mind of things, bad things in my life. In fact, it took my sorrow, my lifeless life. It took me a new height where all there was colors. I'm beginning to build a imagination around myself. I didn't have any imaginary friends when I was younger but now I do. Pathetic? Yes but its the only thing that keeps me going, keeps me sane.
Friday, September 3, 2010
I'm Self Confident
With your self-confidence, you will succeedNo longer will your heart painfully bleed
As humans, we have our twists and turns
However, from these problems we always learn
Life has its own road and wayBut you have your opinion, actions, and your say
Although life may bring you down
Don’t ever respond with a frown
Instead of giving up and letting go
Just cope with the problems and let them flowIn the end, a solution will be made
And no longer will fear and doubt be your shade
Perfection is a fictitious word you should never follow lead
If you seek perfection, you will never succeed
Just take a step at a time to regain your confidence againHowever, along the path there will be pain
You will make mistakes along the way
But never let your faults forever stay
Wisdom will guide your every step
And will erase all the bad memoirs that you have long kept
You will regain your self-confidence bit by bit
The worse may happen but you mustn’t quit…
Marria Attar
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Hydra
The Hydra which lived in the swamps near to the ancient city of Lerna in Argolis, was a terrifying monster which like the Nemean lion was the offspring of Echidna (half maiden - half serpent), and Typhon (had 100 heads), other versions think that the Hydra was the offspring of Styx and the Titan Pallas. The Hydra had the body of a serpent and many heads (the number of heads deviates from five up to one hundred there are many versions but generally nine is accepted as standard), of which one could never be harmed by any weapon, and if any of the other heads were severed another would grow in its place (in some versions two would grow). Also the stench from the Hydra's breath was enough to kill man or beast (in other versions it was a deadly venom). When it emerged from the swamp it would attack herds of cattle and local villagers, devouring them with its numerous heads. It totally terrorized the vicinity for many years. 
Heracles journeyed to Lake Lerna in a speedy chariot, and with him he took his nephew and charioteer Iolaus, in search of the dreaded Hydra. When they finally reached the Hydras' hiding place, Heracles told Iolaus to stay with the horses while he drew the monster from its hole with flaming arrows. This brought out the hideous beast. Heracles courageously attacked the beast, flaying at each head with his sword, (in some versions a scythe) but he soon realized that as one head was severed another grew in its place. Heracles called for help from Iolaus, telling him to bring a flaming torch, and as Heracles cut off the heads one by one from the Hydra, Iolaus cauterized the open wounds with the torch preventing them from growing again.
As Heracles fought the writhing monster he was almost stifled by its obnoxious breath, but eventually, with the help of Iolaus, Heracles removed all but one of the Hydras' heads. The one remaining could not be harmed by any weapon, so, picking up his hefty club Heracles crushed it with one mighty blow, he then tore off the head with his bare hands and quickly buried it deep in the ground, placing a huge boulder on the top. After he had killed the Hydra, Heracles dipped the tips of his arrows into the Hydras' blood, which was extremely poisonous, making them deadly. 
Other versions say that while Heracles fought the Hydra the goddess Hera sent down a giant crab which attacked his feet). This legend comes from a marble relief dating from the 2nd century BCE found at ancient Lerna, showing Heracles attacking the Hydra, and near his feet is a huge crab. Also other legends say that a stray arrow set alight the forest, and it was the burning trunks which Heracles ripped up and used to cauterize the open wounds.
by Ron Leadbetter
Centaur
"These monsters were represented as men from the head to the loins, while the rest of the body was that of a horse. The ancients were too fond of a horse to consider the union of his nature with man's as forming a very degraded compound, and accordingly the Centaur is the only one of the fancied monsters of antiquity to which any good traits are assigned. 
The Centaurs were admitted to the companionship of man, and at the marriage of Pirithous with Hippodamia they were among the guests. At the feast of Eurytion, one of the Centaurs, becoming intoxicated with the wine, attempted to offer violence to the bride; the other Centaurs followed his example, and a dreadful conflict arose in which several of them were slain. This is the celebrated battle of the Lapiths and the Centaurs, a favorite subject with the sculptors and poets of antiquity. 
But not all the Centaurs were like the rude guests of Pirithous. Chiron was instructed by Apollo and Artemis, and was renowned for his skill in hunting, medicine, music, and the art of prophecy. The most distinguished heroes of Greek history were his pupils. Among the rest the infant Asklepios was intrusted to his charge by Apollo, his father. When the sage returned to his home bearing the infant, his daughter Ocyroe came forth to meet him, and at sight of the child burst forth into a prophetic strain (for she was a prophetess), foretelling the glory that he was to achieve.
Asklepios when grown up became a renowned physician, and even in one instance succeeded in restoring the dead to life. Hades resented this, and Zeus, at his request, struck the bold physician with lightening, and killed him, but after his death received him into the number of the gods. Chiron was the wisest and most just of all the Centaurs, and at his death Zeus placed him among the stars as the constellation Sagittarius."
- from Bulfinch's Mythology
Medusa
All around the cavern where she dwelt might be seen the stony figures of men and animals which had chanced to catch a glimpse of her and had been petrified with the sight. Perseus, favored by Athena and Hermes, the former of whom lent him her shield and the latter his winged shoes, approached Medusa while she slept, and taking care not to look directly at her, but guided by her image reflected in the bright shield which he bore, he cut off her head and gave it to Athena, who fixed it in the middle of her Aegis. 
Many later images of Medusa thwart our expectations of what she should look like. From the previous story, we are led to believe that she was a creature so hideous in appearance that her very glance could petrify the viewer. However, Medusa has the face of a beautiful woman. It is only her expression of deep sorrow - and the intertwined snakes around her head - that hint that this is a representation of the monster of myth and legend. This manner of depiction reveals that Medusa was originally a lovely woman - it was her tragedy that she was foolish enough to compare herself to a goddess.
Heartache from Heartbreak
Heartache from heartbreak will sober your soul.
Burns through my conscience like smoldering coals
Slow and constant, little joy to be had
I cannot deal with the good or the bad.
Reflections on memories get frozen in time,
Emptiness and pain rule the reason and rhyme.
It’ll humble your spirit and weigh on your heart.
Making me wonder why we ever did part.
The heartache from heartbreak will temper your soul
No passion or beauty, it is so hard to see
What really went wrong between you and me?
Help me stop blaming myself for mistakes that we made.
Why didn’t we fight for the love that we had or
For one another when we were so young?
So tell me my darling what could have been done!
The heartache from heartbreak will temper your soul
No passion or beauty, it is so hard to see
What really went wrong between you and me?
William J. (Skip) Henderson Jr.
Burns through my conscience like smoldering coals
Slow and constant, little joy to be had
I cannot deal with the good or the bad.
Reflections on memories get frozen in time,
Emptiness and pain rule the reason and rhyme.
It’ll humble your spirit and weigh on your heart.
Making me wonder why we ever did part.
The heartache from heartbreak will temper your soul
No passion or beauty, it is so hard to see
What really went wrong between you and me?
Help me stop blaming myself for mistakes that we made.
Why didn’t we fight for the love that we had or
For one another when we were so young?
So tell me my darling what could have been done!
The heartache from heartbreak will temper your soul
No passion or beauty, it is so hard to see
What really went wrong between you and me?
William J. (Skip) Henderson Jr.
Me on 2 Sep
Quite day at work. Its just half a day right now. My heart is no longer aching over the recent incident. So, I couldn't care a less about that right now. The people I work with are like an ass. Always out to prove the wrong point. What I asked is not answered. Instead a different answer reaches my mailbox and the reply is intended to embarrass me in the eyes of my down liners. Do you have so much time now that you have your own room? Nonsense, answer my question and not tell me what my functions are as I sure as hell my question was not even remotely related to what you answered! Some boss!
It is such a heartache to be working at a place that is great overall but spoilt by few people who thinks that they are the pillars in this place. In reality, they are dispensable. They just think they aren't. The corporate world today is full of such person. In order to save the trouble of finding a new recruitment, employers are forced to put up such nonsense people. The higher management are full of humble people but the middle level people..OMG! When will people learn that such attitude will only give them temporary power. In the long run it will destroy them. It would only take few employee to retaliate.
Let us see how the rest of the day goes. The rest of the day was ok. I manage to block out what happened earlier. We can't really dwell matters like this right? Just pick up where you left off and move forward. Time waits for no man. Shall we move forward?
It is such a heartache to be working at a place that is great overall but spoilt by few people who thinks that they are the pillars in this place. In reality, they are dispensable. They just think they aren't. The corporate world today is full of such person. In order to save the trouble of finding a new recruitment, employers are forced to put up such nonsense people. The higher management are full of humble people but the middle level people..OMG! When will people learn that such attitude will only give them temporary power. In the long run it will destroy them. It would only take few employee to retaliate.
Let us see how the rest of the day goes. The rest of the day was ok. I manage to block out what happened earlier. We can't really dwell matters like this right? Just pick up where you left off and move forward. Time waits for no man. Shall we move forward?
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Me on 1 Sep
Should you go out for a drink with your ex? The answer would be a big NO if he has 'something funny' in his mind. But how would you know what his intentions are? Well, you did date him..so technically you should know whether he is worth it to go for drinks with. That is exactly what I thought when I went out last night. I thought it would be a innocent meeting with some catching up and laughter of how stupid we use to be. Unfortunately I was wrong. Today, I lived through the day wondering many things and thinking back at the past. Everything that happened to us, between us. I spent the whole day thinking about him and nothing more. I'm not ready to be emotionally hurt again. Once was enough to last me a lifetime.
I came home yesterday confused on what his intentions were to meet me after a couple of years. Of course we kept in touch through phone but never meeting each other. So, when he suggested, I was tempted to meet him. So, I did. What is his intentions? Did he truly miss me? Does he truly regrets the things that he has done in the past? Was his asking for forgiveness genuine? What on earth is happening? Why did he behave like nothing happened in the past? Why did he think I would the same person as before? Yes, I missed him. I had a couple of drinks and I was a part of what happened. I didn't initiate anything. I stopped it before it went further. His touch was warm and comforting but surely not at the expense of me betraying his family. That is just not acceptable no matter how much I love him.
The answers? Only god knows and maybe him too. I'm not ready to embark on something that I know it is going to be disastrous. Furthermore, this will be considered taboo. Why would he want to put me through the hell again? A better question is WHY would I want to go through the pain again? I admit that I have gotten over him but then love never dies. I still love him dearly and have forgiven him for the ways he treated me. I longed to meet him. Just an innocent meet. Nothing more. Anyway, I messaged him today twice but no reply. Guess, he did have an ulterior motive to meeting me. Therefore when nothing more happened, he got pissed off. He is showing it the best way he knows. By ignoring me. Am I being dumb again?
I asked God to send me a good companion and she sends me him. Why? Is there more karma that I should live through? May god be with me, lead me in the right path and give me the strength to live through this pain.
ஓம் ஸ்ரீ துர்கைய நமஹா!
I came home yesterday confused on what his intentions were to meet me after a couple of years. Of course we kept in touch through phone but never meeting each other. So, when he suggested, I was tempted to meet him. So, I did. What is his intentions? Did he truly miss me? Does he truly regrets the things that he has done in the past? Was his asking for forgiveness genuine? What on earth is happening? Why did he behave like nothing happened in the past? Why did he think I would the same person as before? Yes, I missed him. I had a couple of drinks and I was a part of what happened. I didn't initiate anything. I stopped it before it went further. His touch was warm and comforting but surely not at the expense of me betraying his family. That is just not acceptable no matter how much I love him.
The answers? Only god knows and maybe him too. I'm not ready to embark on something that I know it is going to be disastrous. Furthermore, this will be considered taboo. Why would he want to put me through the hell again? A better question is WHY would I want to go through the pain again? I admit that I have gotten over him but then love never dies. I still love him dearly and have forgiven him for the ways he treated me. I longed to meet him. Just an innocent meet. Nothing more. Anyway, I messaged him today twice but no reply. Guess, he did have an ulterior motive to meeting me. Therefore when nothing more happened, he got pissed off. He is showing it the best way he knows. By ignoring me. Am I being dumb again?
I asked God to send me a good companion and she sends me him. Why? Is there more karma that I should live through? May god be with me, lead me in the right path and give me the strength to live through this pain.
ஓம் ஸ்ரீ துர்கைய நமஹா!
A beautiful advice...
An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain.. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice..'
1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day un rushed.
4. Say 'No' to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental
health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard
things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, let go of the anxiety. If you can't
do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra
stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of
trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a good book with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest
18. Eat right.
19 Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life..
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Try to nip small problems in the bud.
24. Make friends with good people...
25. Keep a folder of favorite readings/sayings on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank you,God'
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego
33 Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36 Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful
for before.
1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day un rushed.
4. Say 'No' to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental
health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard
things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, let go of the anxiety. If you can't
do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra
stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of
trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a good book with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest
18. Eat right.
19 Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life..
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Try to nip small problems in the bud.
24. Make friends with good people...
25. Keep a folder of favorite readings/sayings on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank you,God'
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego
33 Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36 Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful
for before.
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